Me in the same batch as my younger sister?! No way, man.

We went downtown with Tita Cristy and Tito Raul today to take the placement test. I finally saw the other part of Toronto, the "city" part, with the Bata Shoe Museum, the CN Tower, Bloor Street, and other stuff you might find in guide books.

So shortly after we got to the place (Loreto College or something) my sis and I were made to write the usual details on a piece of paper. And then this Vietnamese guy, his name was Henry, put in Grade Nine on both of our papers. At first I was okay with it, since I won't be alone when I get there, but graduate at the same time as my younger sister? Give me a break. I mean, how loser-ish is that?

The test was pretty easy, though. Except for Math. Area, perimeter, all these were lost on me. For a moment there I even forgot how to do fractions - and I've been doing them for the past eight years!

Nevertheless, we both still managed, because of good English to make it to our selected school, Pope John Paul II C.S.S. If we didn't we would've been sent to Jean Vanier. Phew then, we'd have our cousin Monica to guide us along. But still. Ninth grade, with my sister. We both fear competition, even if we are not actually competing. People might look [at me, namely] and say, "Oh, you're in the same grade then?" and compare my grades with hers. The problem is, we are both good, maybe equally so. Both of us are honour students and we are in the same career path. There is no competition, but other people might think there is. And then we might begin to see that we're being compared, compete, and affect our sisterhood.

So you see how that just ruins things? They can't put me in tenth grade and I don't want them to, because the tenth-graders might already have their groups and I might not fit in. I'm glad I'm going to school with my sister so I won't be alone, but having to be in the same grade sucks.

Anyway after all that we went to Eglinton Square in where else, Eglinton. Those white guys are so good-looking. Maybe mostly because I've never been around them (only Filipino guys all my life) so yeah...almost every one I saw was gorgeous. There was this guy who opened the door for me and my sis (cause they have exceptional manners here hahaha) and he and his friend were in muscle shirts or something and like, wow.

Pasta-loving me went to an Italian fastfood place that started with a V and ordered spaghetti and pizza. Their servings are HUGE! I guess, to be expected from a place like Canada. And then we went out after that and I saw another guy in a green shirt who was wow.

Next we all headed to Oshawa. I don't know my geography yet so exactly how far that is from downtown or Scarborough is still not clear to me. Anyway, Oshawa is good. Spacious, clean and new-looking. Kuya Raoul's house was still like brand-new. Everything was white. It was nice, I mean I could imagine living in it, but it was far from any good Catholic school I know. All we did there was sit and watch TV and then around 4:30 PM we left, and shopped for some groceries.

Guess that's all for now. Tomorrow might be Niagara and on Sunday cherry-picking.

I was looking for this song I've told you about (The Adventure by Angels and Airwaves) on imeem. All I found were 30-second ones, so I was really frustrated. I thoguht maybe I would make myself an account so I could get the full version but no, every song uploaded now lasts only 30 seconds. Saves space, I guess.

So then I started reading the comments people put on the song, to see if they felt the same way I did about it, and I noticed most of the comments were "It reminds me of Anna", "Rest in peace, Anna". and other related things. So who was this Anna? I read on. A little later I got to one comment that started with "To those who do not know, Anna Svidersky was..." Another had a YouTube link with a The Adventure video with memoirs of Anna in it, so I clicked. The link is up there. People do seem to associate the song with Anna Svidersky.

...And when I watched the video, I was touched. Anna seemed like a really sweet and really nice person who was full of life and energy. The guy who killed her took a great girl away. I would've liked to meet her. Her MySpace is still loaded with comments and I know people have not and will never will forget her. It's one of those stories that reach out and grab you and make you aware of the things that are happening around you. Things you would rather close your eyes to and not see. Too bad it had to take an innocent seventeen-year-old to make you open your eyes to them. Anna will be greatly missed by those she knew and those who care for her, all over the world.

O, anong inaakala mo dyan? :))

Potpal is laptop spelled backwards. The heck with this thing. I'm not used to typing on the keyboard. Haha. So we're almost done with the sleepover. I'm still at Monica and Nicole's house (with my sisters of course). This is their potpal. We're going to the Pacific Mall with them later and to the Asian Festival thingy nearby.

So far life has been kinda busy. The relatives have been taking us everywhere. I'm still not done with Alice, I Think. I went biking on the Crap Bike yesterday.

Hay, buhay.

Migraine. I shouldn't be using the computer.

I'm wanting to have my hair cut again (even if I just had it last week). The ends are suckish. The right end faces right, and the left faces right too. I'm thinking bob. What do you think?

Me and my sisters are going to sleep over at my cousins' tonight. We just went to the park with them a couple hours ago, and to the convenience store. The park's over at the elementary by the way. The kids were playing baseball (I think it was recess). Anyway I am going to bring my book Alice, I Think, with me. Yesterday we got our Social Insurance Number thing and so applied for a library card. We went to Woodside Square for that. I've been to the one in Heron Park too.

Nice to know they've got the Princess Diaries (which I have finished) and the Alice McKinley books (only the ones I've already read though). The one I'm bringing later is not an Alice McKinley book; rather it's a different one by a Canadian author.

I borrowed two Canadian chick lit books yesterday at Woodside. Might as well, to see how teens live here. I just finished Raspberry House Blues, which I really liked. My usual type is chick-lit-but-not-straight-chick-lit; either Princess Diaries type or the growing-up-profound-experience-with-the-first-kiss thing. Raspberry House was of the second type, only they didn't kiss. Which sucked. I loved the profound experience part though.

Currently I am reading Alice, I Think which is of the first type. I am starting to like Canadian authors as much as American ones.

So what do you really think about the bob cut?

Hey I'm in Canada! First blog post from the new country. Surprisingly it wasn't too different from the Philippines although the climate is...whoa. They call it "late spring" but back home it would be called aircon. ANG LAMIG SA LABAS. Maybe as cold as Baguio or something. And by the way, I went to Alaska - that's supposedly in caps.

After we got out of the airport (details of the flight in an edit post) and into the waiting area I thought we were still inside. Then I realized we weren't. It was really cold, as cold as the malls back home. Here it was not a mall, it was plainly the outside. Canadians wore short sleeves. Foreigners wore jackets. Kaya halata eh. I hope I get used to the cold soon (eh di pano pa pag winter, di ba?)

By the way, I'm in my aunt's house. In the suburbs. Nagmamadali ako sorry...hindi kasi amin yung computer eh. Kaya siguro maraming mali 'to.

Before lunch my other aunt took me to my supposed-to-be school, Pope John Paul II Catholic Secondary School. Dunno what grade I'll be in - elementary or high school? Also, where? Supposedly we're sent to schools by district. Maybe not PJPII for me. I like their uniforms though - white polo, necktie, blazer, skirt / pants, high socks. But the people are different. I was a little intimidated. I saw only two Pinoys, and most other students were already in groups. How will I fit in?

No need to worry now I guess. There's a whole two months of summer to come. Oh and I already met the cousins and the relatives (which is a lot) after we came here at one AM. Haha. Different time zone from back home - 12 hours. Philippine time and date for this post is 21st June, roughly 2 PM.

I watched the One Tree Hill rerun on ETC for the third time today. "I'm feeling the Road Mix," Peyton says near the end of the episode. You'll know why when you read the lyrics (or download the songs). It makes people (namely me) feel One Tree Hill-y - I want to go on a road trip to some remote town with my friends. Well, who knows, maybe someday I will.

Of course this episode started with the opening theme I Don't Wanna Be by Gavin DeGraw, which was on my favorites even before I really started liking One Tree Hill.

And then around the time Peyton and Lucas er, make out, Dashboard Confessional's Stolen comes on. Part of why I really really love One Tree Hill is the music. Other than the story, that is. And the characters.

Stolen is Dashboard's first single from their new album, Dusk and Summer (lovely name!). I remember being surprised to see it on the episode cause I'd just seen the video on MTV. Anyway, here is why I love the song:

Plus there's my favorite LSS line: "I watch you spin around in the highest heels/You are the best one, of the best ones/We all look like we feel/You have stolen my heart".

Near the end of the episode I heard some familiar music, when they're driving back to Tree Hill. I searched the lyrics and found it was called Stay Away by The Honorary Title (I am so favoriting this one). I got Gerard to search for it, downloaded it once I got to the internet cafe, and listened to it over and over again.

Love the meaning, or, story behind it, too. Read the rest of the lyrics and you'll know. By the way, I did say I recognized the music, didn't I? Once I got out of the cafe, I realized where I had heard it on before. Cycle Six of America's Next Top Model! The ending creds, I think.

No actually, I am getting quite confused. See the next song I got from One Tree Hill is The Adventure by Angels and Airwaves (also on my current favorites). I saw it on a YouTube vid made by an OTH fan. She did her own opening credits for season five. It sounded nice, and familiar too, so I downloaded it.

Now I'm listening to both songs, and it's not that they sound similar, cause they're both great, but I can't tell which is from ANTM and which is from OTH. I think both. So let me clear it up: this is just what I think. Correct me if I'm wrong, or do your own research.

The Adventure is on Season Four's ending creds. Stay Away is on the episode It Gets the Worst at Night, in which they go to Honey Grove.

On the other hand, ANTM Cycle 6 has Stay Away as its ending creds, and The Adventure on the part where they show the season's winner, Danielle. You know, the one where they airbrush all the other contestants away, leaving America's Next Top Model front and center.

That's as far as I remember. I hope I'm not mistaken, because I can almost swear I'm right. Anyway, we've been delayed far too long, and here's The Adventure by Angels and Airwaves.

Also the song that inspired the series creator, Mark Schwahn, is One Tree Hill by U2. It's actually about the place in New Zealand, but the song is great! Now I really appreciate the genius of Bono.

So wow, I actually managed to go to school.

I thought we (Nadine, Arielle, and I) were going on Friday, which is tomorrow. But then as always, it was announced at the last minute that we were to go on Thursday, which is today.

It's not that I was dreading going to school. It's not that I couldn't sleep the night before. What would I have to worry about? What reason would I have to stay up all night?

Nothing. Nothing.

After all, what is one hour, or even one minute, compared to one whole month? I can't let that incident ruin me. I did survive Ferbruary to March, didn't I? I did it without her, didn't I?

What do I have to worry about? It's not like I would see her anyway, right? Okay, there is a 99% chance I will. But so what? I can choose to ignore her, just like I did for a whole month.

It's over now. It was over even then. I didn't let it stop me from enjoying the rest of the year, and I'm not about to let it stop me from seeing forty three other people worth seeing. Which is, the rest of Section 27.

Dad brought us to school at 7 AM. I saw the school bus when we got there. And Smrz. Of course my sisters and I were all in conspicuous civilian, but that didn't matter since we were just there to say goodbye and to fix papers. Nadine went to her sixth-grade class (St. Luke) while Arielle and I and Dad stayed at the canteen because the daily flag ceremony was going on. We stayed there till recess with Nadine, drawing and writing and going insane (except for Daddy, who was busy reading).

And then at around 9:20 we went out to wait by the side entrance and Section 31 came out. I first saw Roselyn. Then I saw her. I'm not one to take revenge or hold grudges, so I ignored her. Unfortunately she is classmates with a lot of 27 people, including Roselyn. But I will also choose to ignore that fact since like I said, it was over long ago.

I'll admit though that I had this scene in mind: if she is with people I know, I will talk to all of them except her. But I'm not that evil. So I didn't follow.

I said hi to, and/or saw, the following people: Martha (first-year busmate); Lia (fourth-year busmate); Roselyn; Kristina; Kryslette; Theresa; Aubrey; Jessa; Wesly; Cahren; Mark; Ian; Paolo; JM; Mario; and Ricardo and Daphne (former classmates from 17). And like I somewhat predicted, I saw little brother too. (!!!)

Well, it went better than I thought it would. Not so awkward at all. In fact, I enjoyed seeing them all again. And except for that I saw her out of the corner of my eye, nothing went wrong.

After saying hi/goodbye to them, I went with Nadine to Grade Six.

It's air-conditioned already. With corridors and everything. The classrooms are closed off. They look like real ones now.

Oh lucky them! Not counting the many happy memories I had in Grade Six, the year I was there was boring. Maybe because of the hot, hot temperature inside the rooms.

Anyway, I donated my old books and uniforms to College after that, bought a San Beda sticker, and got my slippers ripped.

I walked barefoot on the hot pavement, ran, got caught by the guard, and jumped over roped-off areas.

Lovely last-day memories.

Ew, disgusting! May ipis na dumapo sakin yaaaaaaaaaaak!!!

This is not the first time. This is only the second. The first was when I was seven and in the toilet, and suddenly there was a cockroach on my leg. The second was just now, when I was coming out the househelp's room and felt something on my foot, then up my leg again. My first thought was it was just the curtain on the shelf. Then...what if?

Nadine came into the hallway and I said what's written on the first paragraph: "May ipis na dumapo sakin yaaaaaaaaaaak!!!", even if I wasn't sure what it was. Then she said: "Ay oo ayun oh goodbye!" because she hates them as much as I do.

And so, like a girl, I called for the househelp. Ang bilis lumakad ng ipis...kadiri talaga! Pesteng ipis!

By the way, I AM coming to school tomorrow. Don't forget to visit Nadine's newly-made blog: HERE. Thanks! :)

"Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything."
- Herb Caen

...and yet again, please do remind me to make the following posts:

june 1-landmark, sm, greenbelt, glorietta, tokyo2; dad's ofc despedida @ dampa roxas
june 2-columbia
june 3-family despedida @ tita ely's
june 8-landmark again, saw rina, d'angelo's
june 9-atc w/ kryslette and roselyn
june 10-lector, glorietta, sbarro's
june 11-megamall, italianni's w/ tita dolly, hagonoy
june 12-bpi, trellis w/ uncle dick, lto, up

dang and i can't even remember when we went to greenhills.

Okay well. My life is not as boring now as I said it was last week. In fact, it's more of hectic. The whole family has been going out for the past few days to take care of some "business" I have no idea about and attending despedidas as well as shopping like mad.

I'm really sorry for not updating you on too much. I'm going to post belatedly some day when I am not that busy. Probably tomorrow. And btw to those who asked, I'm coming to school for a short visit on Friday.

We are leaving next week. Gosh, seven days. I mean what was I doing seven days ago? In that same amount of time I'll be on a plane and on the way to a whole new world. Jeez, what time is it, 10 PM? Probably I'll be over Europe by now. Jeez. I can't imagine it.

Nakakainis naman yung ETC inulit lang yung One Tree Hill. Grr. It was the same as last week (when they went to give Mouth some "ass" in Honey Grove, Texas). Anyway today was the last episode of my other Tuesday show, Philippines' Next Top Model. Grendel won. Hahaha, obvious ba?

I used to not like Rina. In fact, she was my least favorite girl. But after what, 13? episodes of watching her pose like that (oh wow haha) she's starting to grow on me. Tapos I saw her in Landmark last Friday.

I was starstruck, honestly. I never liked her too much and I knew she wouldn't win the competition because she lacked the potential to; I knew that there was already a winner (because they still have to edit the tapes, and that takes time); plus I knew that she wasn't that big of a star yet, but I was still starstruck. She passed by close to where we were.

Ang tangkad niya grabe. Mga 5'9. And she looks better in person.

"Ay si ano oh..." said my mom. Akala ko kaklase ko or something pero pagtingin ko...

ABA SI RINA! I was really rooted to the spot (as if first time ko makameet ng celebrity, and she isn't that big of one yet). I wanted to ask for her autograph pero nakakahiya naman. Pero I think she would appreciate it 'cause nobody was paying attention to her. 'Di pa siya masyado kilala eh.

Ayun, I passed up another opportunity kaya sayang. Nakakainis na nahihiya ako, pero meron namang dahilan eh. Kasi nung kumain kami sa Chef d'Angelo's (ulit) merong tao sa likod ko na mag-isang kumakain tapos natalsikan yung shirt ko. Sayang Arrow pa naman na orig. Grr. Buti nalang pwede pa yun labhan.

Oy, matulog na daw ako. Kasi nga umalis kami whole day kanina diba, pero 'di naman ako pagod. More on Friday's shopping spree next time (maybe tomorrow).

Till then.

Tomorrow will be the final three of Cycle 6 of America's Next Top Model. Now I know we're a little late on the news since Cycle 8 has just wrapped up in the States, but I got hooked when Cycle 4 premiered on ETC last year.

For Cycles 4 and 5 both my favorites won.

In case you do not know, here are the international destinations, winners and the runner-ups:

Cycle 1 - Paris, France - Adrianne Curry - Shannon Stewart
Cycle 2 - Milan, Italy - Yoanna House - Mercedes Scelba-Shorte
Cycle 3 - Tokyo, Japan - Eva Pigford - Yaya Da Costa
Cycle 4 - Cape Town, South Africa - Naima Mora - Kahlen Rondot
Cycle 5 - London, England - Nicole Linkletter - Nik Pace
Cycle 6 - Bangkok, Thailand - Danielle Evans - Joanie Dodds
Cycle 7 - Barcelona, Spain - Caridee English - Melrose Bickerstaff
Cycle 8 - Sydney, Australia - Jaslene Gonzalez - Natasha Galkina

I bight dot be cobing to school toborrow od account of by habig da sdiffles. I feel really bad. I'b dot ebed watchig byself type.

Man my life is boring. Man am I boring.

I don't like the way I write anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. Sometimes I find myself, then I lose it again.

Then there's this blog. I feel like I want to quit writing here. Make a new one, but God knows I already have enough. I know I'm supposed to be blogging for me and me alone but I am too much of a perfectionist. Grammar structure has to be perfect, spellings are supposed to be correct. Besides, there are too many people who read this blog. People who know me.

Sometimes I want to spit out those words (eg. cuss like an army man). I feel depressed. Maybe it has something to do with my being sick but still. There are times when I am just so down and pressured I have no choice but to cry.

And the thing is there is just no place to cry in here. That's why I'm looking forward to moving, to starting over in another place where nobody knows me. Cause here, I don't even know myself. I am bottled, cramped, smothered, whatever you can think of. I need to let it out. I don't even know who the real me is unless I spit out what I want to spit out.

But I can't just do that. Everybody knows me, but not enough. I feel pressured to be somebody I'm not, and that pressure, added to the not-being-able-to-let-it-out thing, is more than I can bear. God, sometimes I want to quit.

You know prayer really helps. I know that not everybody who reads this is the same religion as I am, or were raised the same way as I was, but really, God is the only one I can talk to about everything. I talk to Him, to Jesus, to the Holy Spirit, and my other mama, Mary. And I talk to random saints, and to my guardian angel.

And you know what they never let me down.

No matter how much I inwardly cuss, no matter how much I want to scream and kick and throw a tantrum, no matter how I blame everybody, no matter how much I feel like quitting, they always pick me up.

White Flower is really a godsend. Oh, yes it is. Cause like I was telling you I was feeling really depressed today, right before I wrote this, and I was ranting about everything to everybody in heaven, to anybody who would listen.

And like they always do they talked back. They gave me White Flower.

For those of you who do not know White Flower is like an all-around mentholated oil which has a soothing, cooling effect. I was really feeling down and then this sudden thought came to me...White Flower, it said.

AY OO NGA NO.

May White Flower pala.

I had almost forgotten. It's been with me through countless stomach pains, headaches, and runny noses. And so since I thought this particular state of depression was somewhat caused by my non-fever, White Flower was the best, most effective cure.

It helped my splitting headache, unclogged my nose, improved my circulation, and cooled my temper.

What a godsend.

Like the title says, this is an open letter because I'm letting you all read it. It's mostly about my feelings on moving to you-know-where, written to my cousin who lives there.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
To: NiKkIbUm
Date: Saturday, 2 June, 2007 11:02 PM
Subject: a little more than two weeks
Message:

well today is june 2nd, and there are only 17 more days until we leave.

it's still a bit unreal to me and i can't grasp the fact that we're actually going. i feel a bit numb, kind of devoid of emotion, about leaving here and coming there.

you'd think i would at least be excited, but i'm not. it's almost the start of the school year back here and i don't even miss going. i don't miss anything... YET, but i probably will.

i wonder what it'll be like to live there. i can't think of that, of the future, or anything. i still can't, don't, won't believe that we're nearly half-done packing, or that we've attended a lot of farewells already, or that our names are on the flight roster.

gee whiz. is this normal? cause when we had that seminar on which they prep us for life in canada, they told us to expect some stages/changes in our attitude: euphoria (none of that now), disenchantment (maybe when i finally start feeling something), acceptance, and adjustment. or something like that.

i'm not even euphoric. i don't expect anything from canada or you. don't get me wrong - a lot of people have told us it isn't necessarily easy there. and as for you, online people are maybe, and mostly, different from what they are in real life. so i won't expect anything of you. we'll get to know each other better when i get there. and please don't expect anything from me either. i'm mostly shy around new people - it'll probably be a little awkward at first, as firsts are, but i'll get used to you over some time.

hopefully, i'm going to take it in well and in stride. i can't say what will be happening in the 18 or so days when i meet canada and you all, because i'm not feeling anything. no premonitions, no expectations. so i guess i'm living each day in slow motion.

now to change the topic, the titas have been making bilin, and we've been shopping till we're dead tired. so while we're at it, do you want anything?

earlier today kuya sam and ate tech took us to the columbia warehouse where we bought our cold-weather gear - probably like the ones you saw them wear when they went there. they were heavy, man! you can give me and my sisters advice on what/how to layer when we get there, but as of now we are just finishing shopping and packing.

see you soon. i will probably start feeling euphoric once i get on the plane. but till then, good luck to me and my family.