Man my life is boring. Man am I boring.

I don't like the way I write anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. Sometimes I find myself, then I lose it again.

Then there's this blog. I feel like I want to quit writing here. Make a new one, but God knows I already have enough. I know I'm supposed to be blogging for me and me alone but I am too much of a perfectionist. Grammar structure has to be perfect, spellings are supposed to be correct. Besides, there are too many people who read this blog. People who know me.

Sometimes I want to spit out those words (eg. cuss like an army man). I feel depressed. Maybe it has something to do with my being sick but still. There are times when I am just so down and pressured I have no choice but to cry.

And the thing is there is just no place to cry in here. That's why I'm looking forward to moving, to starting over in another place where nobody knows me. Cause here, I don't even know myself. I am bottled, cramped, smothered, whatever you can think of. I need to let it out. I don't even know who the real me is unless I spit out what I want to spit out.

But I can't just do that. Everybody knows me, but not enough. I feel pressured to be somebody I'm not, and that pressure, added to the not-being-able-to-let-it-out thing, is more than I can bear. God, sometimes I want to quit.

You know prayer really helps. I know that not everybody who reads this is the same religion as I am, or were raised the same way as I was, but really, God is the only one I can talk to about everything. I talk to Him, to Jesus, to the Holy Spirit, and my other mama, Mary. And I talk to random saints, and to my guardian angel.

And you know what they never let me down.

No matter how much I inwardly cuss, no matter how much I want to scream and kick and throw a tantrum, no matter how I blame everybody, no matter how much I feel like quitting, they always pick me up.

White Flower is really a godsend. Oh, yes it is. Cause like I was telling you I was feeling really depressed today, right before I wrote this, and I was ranting about everything to everybody in heaven, to anybody who would listen.

And like they always do they talked back. They gave me White Flower.

For those of you who do not know White Flower is like an all-around mentholated oil which has a soothing, cooling effect. I was really feeling down and then this sudden thought came to me...White Flower, it said.

AY OO NGA NO.

May White Flower pala.

I had almost forgotten. It's been with me through countless stomach pains, headaches, and runny noses. And so since I thought this particular state of depression was somewhat caused by my non-fever, White Flower was the best, most effective cure.

It helped my splitting headache, unclogged my nose, improved my circulation, and cooled my temper.

What a godsend.

I WAS POSTING SOMETHING THEN THE COMPUTER HUNG AND IT ALL GOT LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

I just read my old archives. Funny how fast things change, isn't it? That thing above keeps on repeating in my head. I must be feeling it.

You know what, I pity you.

I told you so. Toldyousotoldyousotoldyousotoldyouso. I told you it would be like nothing ever happened. It's not the first time.

You can't stop this feeling...there's no escape. No sleep tonight, you won't get no sleep tonight.

Why do they always use that when people are playing soccer? I love this song. You might remember it in She's the Man, when Vi is playing on the beach at the start of the movie. You might also remember it in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, when Bridget is training in Baja California, Mexico. Basta lang, I love this song. That's all.

Ang peke ng ibang tao. Hypocrite is the word. Sasabihing pangit o baduy, tapos biglang favorite na kasi nakikiuso. Don't you hate people like that? Plastic. Fake. Trying to get with the "in" crowd". Magugulat ka nalang, sasabihin niyang "Favorite ko yan!" tapos yun pala, walang kaalam-alam tungkol dun kasi nga, nakikiuso lang. Eh kelan lang ba nung pinipintasan niya yun, "Pangit! Baduy! Sino bang nanonood nyan? Puro foreign ka ah. Mas maganda yung..." Gets?

Hypocrite. Eh wala ka ngang alam dun eh.

Huli ka.

Just finished reading Vicky's blog. Nauso nanaman yung Iris! Yes! Adik ako dun eh... :) Yeheyeheyehey!

So, I haven't been able to update (again) because I've been too busy. Or lazy. Or probably both. For now I'm just going to try and sum up everything that happened since last post or even before that.

Lemme see...kelan ba yung pumunta kami sa La Mesa Ecopark? Basta yun. Tapos the week after, sa Quezon City Circle. Then Nayong Pilipino (didn't know it was up again). Things in common? Biking. Sayang may ginawa akong full story nung sa NP kaso naubusan kami ng internet card bago ko mapost. Oh well. Tinatamad akong magkwento eh. Take note pala na baka umalis na kami next year papuntang Canada (wah) so yung mom ko kung sansan kami dinadala. Kelan lang pumunta kami sa Antipolo, Rizal. Ang ganda dun! Lalo na yung sa top ng mountain. Might edit this and upload pics later (asa ka naman, hindi ako naglalagay ng pics kaya nga boring eh). Tapos last week Tiendesitas. Bukas, wala. Sira kotse eh.

Kanina pala cinelebrate yung Buwan ng Wika sa school. Nakacostume kaming lahat, tapos panalo pa yung section namin sa "best costume" ekek. Basta na...

Switch back to English. Everyday when I wake up, instead of thanking God for another day I always say "May pasok nanaman! Ayoko na..." Always. Actually going to school is fine but waking up really early kinda pisses me off. Sorry if I'm going to use some bad words but I'm feeling sort of rotten today. No, not really; I'm just recalling how I feel in the mornings. Today especially. Aside from the fact that I have to wake up at 5 AM and the stress of finishing the homework overload* I still have to fix my costume. Damn. So I threw a fit, like a little girl. Normally I don't have tantrums, but I just had about enough today. So I said "God, why another day?" Of course, I regret that now. God even made this day great! So you see how good He is. I get mad at Him, and He gives me a present. Ta-da!

More stuff...we've been teasing Roselyn about being a psychotic birdbrain (which is not true) and since she's kind of pikon, well, she got mad. There's even a site: I Am A Psychotic Birdbrain. Don't click! She might throw a fit. Grabe yun pag nagalit ah. Wag lalapit. Nakakatakot eh.

PA, we've been learning HTML codes. It's not easy but it's also not hard. So maybe, just maybe, I might be able to make my own layout. But only when I'm confident enough. Hm, what else? Lablayp? Wala. Garfield? :) Coke? Definitely not. Lambanog. Tom Felton? Duh, crush ko yan.

Also I've been on FanFiction a lot. I lurve the stories there. And also, may sinabi si Clarissa sakin sa YM dati (August 4 ata) sila Tom Felton and Emma Watson na daw! Ows?! Hindi nga...inamin daw nila sa Oprah. A dream come true. Hay. Sana po totoo. Hindi ako selos kasi mas gusto ko yung DM/HG kesa kay Tom. Eh Clarissa (pala) ang alam ko may gusto si Tom kay Emma pero hindi sila. Plus may gf c Tom--kaso break na ata--tapos si Emma gusto dedicated siya sa acting. Wala daw muna bf para sa kanya. Pero kung may video si Alinne, kung sino man yun, pahiram! Pakilala moko...I have to watch it.

Currently in my head:

Life is a highway, I won't ride it all night long
Cause you're going my way, I wanna drive it all night long...

Huwipee. Life is a highway. Don't ride it all night long.


*Well, at least it's overload for me. I keep postponing kasi eh; computer muna bago aral. Haaay. Ang bababa tuloy ng grades ko. Argh! Gotta work harder. At lalo na sa SS, kasi andami talagang binibigay na assignments tapos yung iba super hirap. Mali mali pa yung ginagawa ko. Lately medyo naiinis ako sa sarili ko...I think I DON'T TRY HARD ENOUGH.