Like the title says, this is an open letter because I'm letting you all read it. It's mostly about my feelings on moving to you-know-where, written to my cousin who lives there.
well today is june 2nd, and there are only 17 more days until we leave.
it's still a bit unreal to me and i can't grasp the fact that we're actually going. i feel a bit numb, kind of devoid of emotion, about leaving here and coming there.
you'd think i would at least be excited, but i'm not. it's almost the start of the school year back here and i don't even miss going. i don't miss anything... YET, but i probably will.
i wonder what it'll be like to live there. i can't think of that, of the future, or anything. i still can't, don't, won't believe that we're nearly half-done packing, or that we've attended a lot of farewells already, or that our names are on the flight roster.
gee whiz. is this normal? cause when we had that seminar on which they prep us for life in canada, they told us to expect some stages/changes in our attitude: euphoria (none of that now), disenchantment (maybe when i finally start feeling something), acceptance, and adjustment. or something like that.
i'm not even euphoric. i don't expect anything from canada or you. don't get me wrong - a lot of people have told us it isn't necessarily easy there. and as for you, online people are maybe, and mostly, different from what they are in real life. so i won't expect anything of you. we'll get to know each other better when i get there. and please don't expect anything from me either. i'm mostly shy around new people - it'll probably be a little awkward at first, as firsts are, but i'll get used to you over some time.
hopefully, i'm going to take it in well and in stride. i can't say what will be happening in the 18 or so days when i meet canada and you all, because i'm not feeling anything. no premonitions, no expectations. so i guess i'm living each day in slow motion.
now to change the topic, the titas have been making bilin, and we've been shopping till we're dead tired. so while we're at it, do you want anything?
earlier today kuya sam and ate tech took us to the columbia warehouse where we bought our cold-weather gear - probably like the ones you saw them wear when they went there. they were heavy, man! you can give me and my sisters advice on what/how to layer when we get there, but as of now we are just finishing shopping and packing.
see you soon. i will probably start feeling euphoric once i get on the plane. but till then, good luck to me and my family.
"For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is."
- Colossians 2:5
Labels: canada, changes, summer
chLoe was here at: 11:13:00 PM
Friday, March 09, 2007
[ huhuhuhuhu ]
Wala ako masabi... bukas na lang or mamaya...
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Labels: changes
chLoe was here at: 3:47:00 AM
Sunday, March 04, 2007
[ late night talk shows ]
I'm pretty sure you've watched an episode or two of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Nothing, haha. It's just that I like the ads thing where Jay shows classifieds which have somehow mutated into knee-slapping articles people love to laugh at. It's funny. Plus the guests aren't duds, either.
Today wasn't a special day, but it's been a long time since I went to ATC with my mom, my dad and my sisters. I was starting to miss our old Saturday routine (which happened only on account of my going to Kumon). So yesterday I begged my mom to take us there. And today we did.
While my parents were out booking flights at a travel agency somewhere in ATC and Arielle was at a group practice in BF Park, my other sister Nadine and I stayed at Powerbooks. Mom had left three books about Canada and I got intrigued by the cover pictures, so I picked them up and started reading. You know how I am. Well, as you might have expected from reading tour books like I did, I learned a lot about the country we're going to, and specifically about the Toronto area. There was Yonge Street, which is the longest street in the world according to the Guinness Book of World Records, and the CN Tower, which was originally built for broadcasting and turned out to be a major tourist attraction. I also saw pictures of Vancouver (my cousin left yesterday and they're staying there for a week before flying to Toronto), and Nova Scotia, which is the next best place to visit if you don't have the money to go to Scotland.
CN Tower / Part of Yonge StreetIt hasn't yet become real to me that we're actually leaving. I'm supposed to expect euphoria once we get there. Then disenchantment. Then acceptance. Then something else (I can't remember what). These are the stages of when you move someplace new. I don't think I want to get disenchanted. Or homesick. Or both. I hope I don't.
"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein
Labels: canada, changes
chLoe was here at: 10:45:00 PM
Saturday, February 03, 2007
[ life is good ]
I feel the way you feel after you've taken a nice, long bath. I feel free. I feel renewed. It's like I've finally woken up and realized that life is not going to be this way forever.
I know I'm going to face some major changes soon, but I think the change has already begun. And I'm okay with it so far. It's like I said, change is the way you feel after a long bath. But I have a question. After you've washed the filth away, would you actually miss it? Why would you, if it made you feel hot and sticky and sweaty? Would you be sad to let go of the memories you wash away with the filth?
I've undergone a major change in scenery. I don't know if I ever will come back, or if this is the way it's going to be. And if you're wondering why the title of this post is "life is good", it's because it is. You know, there's a saying that change is the only permanent thing in the world. I believe that. I believe also that there are good changes and there are bad ones. So far, the change of scenery has been good, and so life is good too.
To all the people who have made a difference in my life, thank you. That means you too, thank you. I owe you five years of making me the way I am. Thank you for teaching me about how things don't last forever. And to those who took me in and shared their friendship during the past two days, I am eternally grateful. You have shown me that I actually have a lot of great friends behind my back, and I don't need to stick to just one. I know now that I have many people I can turn to, thanks for showing me that. Thank you for making today and Friday two of the best and most memorable days of my life here. When I thought I was going to be miserable, you showed up and I actually had a load of fun because of you! A big thanks to K, R, A, A, and K.
Sitting in my room
Feeling sorry for myself
I can't feel worse
Well what else? I wonder what I could say
To stop the voices, taunting and laughing
The way they're acting I wish they'd just disappear
The joke is always on me
It's always on me
Why don't they understand
That we are all the same
And we all feel lost at times
Why don't they understand
That someone else's pain
Is not for gain
Sticks and stones won't break my soul
Get out of the way, I'm invincible
Throw them down
'Cause the one you hurt's not around, not around
It's not your place, honestly...
In the end you'll be the victim
You're the one who has to live with yourself
And when you're reaching for help
There'll be no one, there's no one
I won't live in chains, I've got something to give
I won't play these games, yeah I'd rather live
You know I've come too far
To be like you are
Why don't you understand
That we are all the same
Sticks and stones won't break my soul
Get out of the way, I'm invincible
Throw them down...
-Sticks and Stones, Aly & AJ
Well, that pretty much sums it up. But remember that I am also a human. I can get hurt too, but I won't let it stop me from living.
So it has been a nice, long bath. Of course there was freezing water, but it only served to wake me up. The only question is, will I miss the dirt?
This has been a positive post. Hooray for me!
Labels: changes, happy days
chLoe was here at: 8:11:00 PM
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
[ rewind forward play ]
I have recently realized that I've been living in a dream for the past eight months. Draco and Hermione will never be together. I repeat, never, unless somebody somehow manages to kidnap JK and make her change her mind.
Now that my addiction is finally winding down, I have thought about exactly why I got to liking the pair in the first place. (I can't even remember.) Maybe the computer caused me to lose my taste. Ever since it got hit by a virus, I have been seeing less and less of Draco and Hermione. Even the best site I know hasn't updated in ages.
Scratch that last. I just visited
Dracohermione.org and it says there's a Draco figure for sale in June. Hahahaha. Bahala na yung mga adik dun.
On some other topic than my boring addiction, I have finally gotten a new haircut. I like it. It's shorter and easier to manage, and it's definitely less frizzier than the one I used to have before. To all girls who haven't had their hair cut in a long time, I advise you to go and get it done. It's a nice change.
Speaking of changes, we're confirmed for Canada. We're moving in June 2007, so I won't be spending my junior year in high school here. As of now I'm excited, but I know the closer we get to actually leaving the less I'll want to leave.
At least I've still got five months (including a whole summer) to enjoy life here in the Philippines, unlike Jerome, who was informed they were leaving only a month before departure. Again, like a haircut, this might be the change I'm looking for.
Who knows? Maybe it'll be easier to manage, too.
Labels: changes, dracohermione
chLoe was here at: 4:07:00 PM
